BREAKING : Kaepernick Arrested By Superbowl Security


In what appears to have been some kind of attempted protest, Nike spokesman and unemployed thug Colin Kaepernick was seized and arrested by Superbowl security at the Mercedes-Benz Stadium.  The stadium being used for Superbowl LIII was named in honor of actress Mercedes Ruehl, who played Tom Hanks’ mother in “Big”, and was also in “The Warriors.”

“Now you listen to me. I don’t know nothin’ about no football.”

According to sources currently within the stadium, Kaepernick entered through a side door, possibly with inside aid.  He made his way upwards to the main promenade section where food and beverage retailers line the concourse, and knelt down in an entry gate, blocking it completely.  Patrons moving towards their seats asked the kneeling crybaby to move, and were shown obscene gestures, and called insulting names.  One man attempted to push Kaepernick out of the way, and a fracas ensued.  A security team responded within seconds, pepper-spraying, beating, and then finally tasering the San Francisco menace into a puddle of liberal tears and whimpers.

Security forces are seeking a key witness, a man who ran off, leaving this nacho dog behind to fend for itself in a stadium filled with 300-pound and above men. Go with God, nacho dog.

Insiders report that when Kaepernick regains consciousness, he will be charged with assault, trespassing, and kneeling while being a football player, a newer charge that the Trump administration made a thing last year.  It certainly is sad to see a shining star fall so low.  Especially when he went to such lengths to bring the very real problem of law enforcement’s often heavy-handed treatment of African Americans to public light.  Ha!  Just kidding.  Now let’s play some FOOTBALL!

Damn. That ball looks awful…inflated…
About Fallis Gunnington 6 Articles
Fallis Gunnington is a SuperAmerican from Virginia. He is an open-carrying Trump-training red, white, and black-and-blue ass-kicking machine with Jesus in one corner, and a bald eagle with fangs in the other.

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