BREAKING: Michael Jordan Resigns From The Board At Nike-Takes ‘Air Jordans’ With Him

Michael Jordan has walked away from the Board of Directors at Nike, taking his patented “Air Jordan” line with him. While Jordan has made no public statement, his spokesman, basketball great Art Tubolls, told us under the condition of anonymity:

“Michael is a patriot. His father served this country. His grandpappy was raised free by a man who fought for the South. He doesn’t have this hatred for everyone because kids don’t listen to cops. He’s completely against the hiring of a traitor and is taking his shoes elsewhere.”

BREAKING: White House ‘Resistance’ Mole a Fake – NY Times Admits They Were Trolled

Air Jordans are Michael’s own design. He obtained the patent for the exclusive pump and anti-gravity liquids in 1987. Since then, Air Jordans have sold more than a billion pairs of shoes in literally every country on Earth. There are two pairs floating on the feet of astronauts in space at this very moment.

BREAKING: Federal Government Cancels $80 Million Nike Contract

In other words, Nike has ruined itself. Whoever teams with Jordan will become the new leader in sports apparel, and Nike will fade into the sunset with Puma. Nike has refused comment. Jordan’d PRR people are having lunch with our people to finalize the announcement. Fox News will lead the social media charge and Hannity will deliver the news live on his show tonight.

UPDATE: Nike Just Dropped Colin Kaepernick Like A Bad Habit

One thing is for certain: Nike is in a lot of trouble for their terrible, terrible decision.

About Flagg Eagleton 39 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.